Month: November 2017

the-space-goat:

•your anxiety has made it difficult for you to voice your opinion

•your anxiety has made it difficult to dress the way you want

•your anxiety has made it difficult to ask for help

•your anxiety has made you constantly worry if you are being annoying and wonder if your friends and family are valid relationships or if they just put up with you because they have to

And please know that you are not fighting this battle alone. You are worth more than your anxiety says. You matter and so does your opinion and your say.
You are awesome

flux-eterna:

T. Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I think when it comes to Mass Effect, and Shakarian in particular, that the one thing that drives me up the wall the most is when their first time is written in such a way as to make them seem like virgins.  Like, both of these people are in their late 20s/early 30s, and have both unarguably been around the block a time or two.  Even with navigating species differences, the basic parts are still the same so I wouldn’t think it would be THAT much of a learning curve.  And sure, Garrus is endearing and awkward, but I’d like to think he knows what he’s doing.  Meh, maybe it’s just me haha!

So much agree. My favorite trope concerning this scene, though? Going in all serious, but then finding something to laugh about and saying ‘fuck it, let’s wing it’. 😀

Thank you for the great asks!

5.  List 3 fears; one ‘surface level’ fear, one ‘repressed’ fear, and one ‘deep dark’ fear.

A ‘surface level’ fear would be the everyday dangers that could harm his children.  Will they go out into the water too far?  What if they hurt themselves climbing and playing on the large rocks outside on the beach?  Just simple, worrisome father things.

A ‘repressed fear’ would be his final days as Archangel and how he failed to leave the Archangel team with the knowledge on how to defend themselves and fight without him.  He takes responsibility for what he feels was the unwanted reliance they had on him as their leader, the ‘savior of Omega’.  While he didn’t recruit them himself, he feels like it was unnecessary deaths he could have prevented had he been a better instructor in how to survive.  That and this next fear are what has altered his sleeping habits, creating a strong case of insomnia.

His biggest ‘deep dark’ fear is that he’s merely living in those final moments before death, that everything around him is just a figment of his dying brain.  He fears that Jane is still lost over Alchera, that the twins never existed, the war never happened with him in it, and that he is just slowly dying on a dirty Omega floor, either from a bullet, exhaustion, or starvation.  While no one really knows his reason, he’s has become more physically affectionate with his family, openly touching and publically showing his affection despite turian norms.  Almost as if he’s trying to convince himself of their reality.

16.  Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior? 

His father, Titus, even though they’ve reached a more stable footing around each other.

I guess it’s all from his childhood and early adulthood of feeling like he never did anything right.  He was too busy trying to fit into his father’s footsteps because he was trying to make his father proud when it seemed not doing so would disappoint Titus.  He felt like disagreeing was his fault and often hated that he couldn’t be a ‘good turian’ like his father seemed to be.  He has gotten better and come more into his own in life, but he still has a tiny voice in his head that says ‘do what would make dad proud, don’t disappoint him’.  He knows his fathering is better than Titus’, that he has more respect for his own children, but part of him wonders if every other part of his life aside from his marriage is being done wrong.  Perhaps his family wouldn’t be in the situation that they’re in, hiding from the Council’s laws on Virmire when they could be having a more normal life.  Maybe he could have saved them this life if he had been a better, more ‘by the book’ turian.  He hates his father for giving him this complex, but he can’t convince himself against the irrationality.  

P.  Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an ‘architect’ or a ‘gardner’?  (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Hm… I think I run in between.  I usually plan main plot points as I think of them in a notebook so that, when I think I come to a good place to put them, I can remember what it was I wanted to say.  In terms of pieces of Parable that needed a sort of timeline, I would write a simple sentence or two about the plot of said chapter.  

Maybe a day or two before writing the actual chapter, I will sit down and write down quick sentences of what might be cool to add.  Nothing huge, but a kind of brainstorming that I can fill in with lots of details and filler.  For example, if I write a chapter/one-shot for Osteogenesis in which the kids have a birthday, I’d make a list of who attends and their gift.  If I get a really good thought of something to happen (like, maybe someone tripping as they carry the cake), I’d write a sentence for later writing.  

Everything else, though, is written as it comes.  So I guess I qualify as a hybrid writer, lol.

2.  Their mother (father)?  How do they think of her(him)?  What do they hate?  Love?  What influence – literal or imagined – did their mother(father) have?

Alright, so let’s start with Jane and then do Garrus:

Cassia and Damocles think their mother can do no wrong in their eyes.  Cassia thinks she’s the most beautiful being in the galaxy, no matter the species or gender.  To her, Matriarchs have nothing on her mother.  However, her beauty goes beyond looks to Cassia.  Jane is everything she wants to be, strong and has a regal air about her in the way she holds herself – even if Jane would deny any of that nonsense.  Jane is everything Cassia wants to be, even if she would rather wear more girly things than her mother would ever be caught dead in.  The only fault Cassia sees in her mother is a sense of self-consciousness about those very looks that she envies.  No matter what she or her father say to Jane, there is still a bit of disbelief in her being anything but ‘Commander Shepard who practically lives in unflattering armor’.  Cassia just doesn’t see that and gets frustrated when those around her can’t see what she sees with her more positive outlook.  On her own, she wants to work to develop that ‘give no shit’ attitude her mother has (or at least the ability to keep her emotions in check) as Cassia herself seems to let her emotions get the better of her in the moment.  While they do not have a lasting effect like her brother, sometimes she wishes she could be unaffected.

Her father, to her, has such control over himself that she could swear he is like an immovable mountain.  He is set in his convictions and, even if it goes against his actual feelings to the contrary, he will follow through on that self empossed set of ethics.  Garrus may seem stern at some times (and shares a bit of the qualities his father has in that), but he differs from his father in that his only direction is to solve a problem, not shape the twin’s lives.  His weapons training may seem difficult, but they will be all the better for it and he doesn’t force a set training style on them but lets them choose.  That very quality of focus also shows in his care for Jane and the kids, which Cassia tries to emulate with every person she meets and becomes friends with.  He gives parts of himself without opening himself up to pain, and Cassia sometimes wishes she could do the same.  In a way, she trusts too easily and pays the price when those close to her hurt her, and she wishes she could build that sort of protection her dad has as shown around even the Normandy family.  On the other hand, some of that focus can often make her father seem cold as she learns later in life when she begins to work for the Wraiths.  He becomes a different person as their superior and, though she understands it’s to ultimately protect them from getting hurt because he acts on feelings instead of logic, it still sometimes hurts.  That split moment of emotion in reaction to that can sometimes make her hate her father, but, like him, logic over the situation quickly follows.

Damocles absolutely adores his mother.  She is much the same to him as she is to Cassia, only he needs hers and Garrus’ strength more than his more confident sister.  Where Cassia sees their mother in a dress and thinks ‘wow, my momma looks like a queen!’, he looks to her with an awe for her ‘don’t give a shit’ attitude.  He’s able to see the same self-consciousness in the jokes to brush off compliments that his mother has, but she pushes through it, keeps going.  She may not feel she can wear a dress, but, dammit, she’ll flaunt it with just the slightest prompting from Garrus.  Damocles can’t do that, can’t put aside his self-doubt.  In a way, he hates her a bit for that strength.  Despite his feelings about his own self-image in his personal life, he has learned how to push through any obstacle that he can physically fight.  Call it sheer stubbornness, but if he has to train hours on end out in the cold, pouring rain just to accomplish a set goal, he will not stop even if the galaxy was burning around him.

For Damocles, the name Archangel for his father is fitting in his eyes.  He has seen how his father protects the family from struggles both physical and mental and wants that very same ability.  He wants to be there for his sister (which he feels as more affected by self-doubt in his self-projection of his own pain) and is willing to shoulder any weight for her even at the cost of his own well being.  How can his father seem so unaffected, he often asks and envies Garrus for.  It just doesn’t seem fair that his father can do so much like it’s nothing.  He both hates and wants to be that very same person.  His father also equates to a focus he knows he can never have because he’s just too impatient from his internal pain and need to express it.  His father is a pillar of strength for them all and Damocles wishes he had just an ounce of that seemingly divine power.

Wow, those were some long responses!  I talk too much, lol

Thanks for the ask 🙂

rockinrpmemes:

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence – literal or imagined – did the father have?
2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence – literal or imagined – did the mother have?
3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?
4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?
5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?
6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?
7. What was the economic status of their family?
8. How does your character feel about religion?
9. What about political beliefs?
10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?
11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?
12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof – reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?
13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?
14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?
15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?
16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?
17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?
18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?
19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?
20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?
21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?
22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?
23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?
24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?
25. What are their hobbies and interests?
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?
27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?
28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?
29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?
30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?
31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?
32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?
33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? 
34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?
35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?
36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?
37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?
39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?
40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?
41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?
42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?
43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?
44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?
45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?
46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?
47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?
48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?
49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?
50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?